Learning to wait and to listen....

For those who know me, you would without a doubt classify me as an impatient person. Patience has never been my virtue for sure. I'm not sure why I am so impatient as I was raised in the very lay back Caribbean culture. It would seem that I should be laid back. I wish! My lack of patience is one thing I really would like to change. Especially when I am impatient with myself...yep you heard right. I have grown impatient with ME!
Two years ago I noticed a funky looking rash on my arm and just thought I had brushed up against some weird plant. Or maybe I had been bitten by a freaky Jamaican bug. I really wasn't sure. It really didn't itch at first. Then it started spreading up my arm, kind of itching, and oozing. I also began what was to be a six week splitting migraine headache and nausea. After many attempts to get help here in Jamaica, I was finally forced to fly home to receive medical help. It wasn't until four weeks later that the headache finally subsided, the rash cleared up, and I was able to eat again. Doctors are not in agreement as to what my diagnosis was. One says it was viral meningitis and one says it wasn't but he doesn't know what it was. Whatever it was (I think it was a tropical born parasite called Rat Lungworm), it was the beginning of lots of health issues for me...thus the impatience with myself.

Fast forward to now. For the last year I have been seeing a neurologist that specializes in Multiple Sclerosis. That is a disease in which your immune system attacks your central nervous system. I have the tell tale two lesions on the brain, the demyelinating of the eyes, the numbness, tingling, and pain on my left side. I am still undiagnosed. It looks like MS but I have three of the four markers needed to qualify as MS. I don't really know what I have but I know my body is a mess. I so want to be out going door to door, doing open air meetings, and playing games in AWANA. My mind says go and my body says no. I am perturbed with myself and impatient with what is happening to me.

When you can't get up and go like you want, you learn to wait and listen. Wait on the Lord, and listen to what He has for you. I ponder things a lot more now since I have slowed down some. I listen a little better to those who hurt. I kinda feel their pain. I am learning to be more graceful and more patient with others. (except for maybe with the crazy drivers here). Life is just too short to be constantly uptight and running all the time. I am trying to be still and know that HE is GOD. I pray that while I am "broken", God can use my brokenness. I heard recently a quote that I absolutely love. "Broken vessels spill more water". Simple but so beautiful. I can be "Broken" and still spill more of the living water that our Jamaicans so need to partake of. Pray for me, pray for me to think clearly, see clearly, speak clearly, and move forward when God wants me to. Right now, I am just learning to wait and listen.....and working on that impatience!

This has been a rambling of one tired Jamerican...SELAH~

THE PIC AT THE TOP IS OF MY ARM WHEN THE DISEASE FIRST STARTED. PTL, ALL I HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT NOW IS A FAINT SCAR TO PROVE GOD'S FAITHFULNESS!